"THBPBPTHPT!" *Raspberry Noise*

*Sigh* I had THE talk with hubby today. I have been avoiding this for several weeks now. Ever since we were notified that he was being given this national award, his mother has shifted into overdrive. Nevermind that we are going to D.C. for Police Week. Nevermind that it's our 10th anniversary. Nevermind that we never had a honeymoon and were using this as our great escape...She and my FIL decided it would be a great time to cross "visit Washington D.C." off their "bucket list" which, ironically, no one ever knew existed until this award came up.

My MIL was so certain that he and I would divorce when she convinced him to leave me and move in with her. She managed to keep him there for 7 months, discouraging marriage counseling (so much for being a Christian) and telling me to move on with my life. He's been back home now for about 9 months and she is just not happy unless she is getting between us.

For the most part we've managed to keep her out, but since she lives only 2 miles away, it's really hard to do anything without her sticking her nose in. We both have come to the point of not answering the phone when we see it is her.

When I decided to go into forensics, I was planning my future as a single mom. I was finishing my AAS here, then transferring to get a Master's and eventually landing work as a criminal forensic scientist. I will be finished with my degree in December.

But him being back complicates things. I won't stay in this town and endure the crap from his mother. But, he doesn't particularly want to leave. So we're at a stalemate I guess you could say. So, I expressed to him how I felt.

Basically I told him that I needed to know what he intended to do, that where I decide to go will vary depending on whether or not he is going with me or staying behind. I also expressed my concern that I really didn't see him willing to leave, but I am not willing to stay. He's mixed...sometimes he wants to leave, sometimes he doesn't. The entire thing is so damn depressing.

And his mother is enjoying every second of it. I blatantly told her that we wanted to be ALONE and didn't want anyone going with us. He apparently told her the same thing last week, he says, but I can't see him saying anything to her. He lets her walk all over him. I got really pissed about everything last week and told him to ask her for his testicles back while he was at it.

I hate this. But after he let her manipulate him and moved out, I don't have trust or security that he won't do it again, especially if he has the means to do it. I expressed that to him tonight as well, not to be a threat or ultimatum, but to be honest about how I feel. I'm sick of being given the evil eye by the dumb slut he was hanging out with when we were separated everytime I go to the damn store. I'm sick of his mother.

I'm tired of the bullshit in this town...the gossip, the backbiting, the lies, the Good 'Ol Boys, the crooked politics...I'm tired of being told I can't do things with the SO here because my husband is a deputy...not even allowed to join the reserves or do an unpaid internship. The Sheriff can be such an ass. I guess that's what I get for pissing off the almighty in a small town. I miss the anonymity of Seattle...

Is it any wonder that I take pills just to be able to contain my desire to go postal? UGH! I wish. Fat chance there. I can't wait to get the hell out of here!

Progress

I've been in the bedroom cleaning and organizing. My husband and I share a closet and it's just not big enough for the both of us. I have to admit, I really miss having the entire thing to myself. I didn't know how wonderful that was until we separated for 7 months. I finally moved my dresses, skirts and scarves to a different closet. He just has so much tactical crap that he only wears when serving search warrants which isn't too often...but I like to keep all his cop stuff together so I threw in the towel and moved some of mine instead.

Which reminds me...is it excessive to own 23 tank tops of various colors and styles if you do wear every single one of them? At last count I had around 38 pairs of shoes...mostly sandals and flip flops...my husband would balk but I did wear all of them...I have 4 or 5 styles of black heels...I think I narrowed it down to 3 pairs of tennis shoes...and I now have only 6 or 7 hoodies hanging. I even found a way to hang all of my purses of which I've dropped down to around 7 or 8. Seriously, I swear I've been getting rid of stuff.

I sell Avon. I don't think I put that in my profile. But I LOVE the boxes they ship the merchandise in. They are about 9 inches wide and 18 inches long with lids! I confess that I have many filled with papers and crap that needs to be sorted and organized one of these days. The boxes stack so neatly on top one another...I am always anticipating a delivery so I can have new boxes.

My youngest daughter and I got our glasses today. Our previous eye doctor gave all six of us in the house bifocals which I thought was rather odd...but they are the professionals, right? Well, come to find out that I don't need bifocals...yet. In fact my glasses have a prescription in the right lense but not the left lense...I wear them when reading, on my computer and driving (which translates into pretty much all the time, LOL).

My daughter is nearsighted and also has Convergence Insufficiency--something I've never heard of until now. It's apparently genetic and the opthalmologist believes that I also have it. Basically our eyes do not work well together and cause a host of problems such as blurred/double vision, headaches, faulty depth perception, etc. My daughter will be starting "vision therapy" for 30 minutes each day, 5 days each week. The program is computerized and a bit on the expensive side, but she should be able to stop doing it in about 90 days. She is very motivated and eager to start. We should have the program on the 8th of April when her opthalmologist returns. I am very excited to see how she progresses.

Speaking of progress, my youngest two who will be in 5th grade next year have informed me that they want to homeschool again. Both say they are tired of the way the kids in school behave. Since one is autistic, I can really see for myself how he stands out and the kids treat him like some weirdo. He is becoming more aware of it now that he's getting older which is sad. I'd almost he remain oblivious and believe that everyone is his friend.

So, I'm searching for curriculum. I am leaning towards a classical education so will definitely be using Accelerated Achievement, probably with Saxon math. Not sure about science yet...we'll see. I'm open to suggestions if anyone has ideas!

Are they lazy or am I OCD?

Actually, I am rather OCD. But still, what is wrong with these people?

I remember being stuck doing chores constantly as a kid and I hated it. As a mom, I get really tired of harping on the kids and husband to pick up after themselves. Even more agonizing was the "It's not my job" argument or "Well, she didn't finish it yesterday so why do I have to do it" or even the infamous "I did it already just like you want it" only to find that it is SO NOT clean.

Seriously...are they brain damaged?

So, I implemented the beloved chore chart. And everyone including the hubby is on it. I think my plan is very reasonable. Each person has 1 chore they do each day. That's it. And the chores rotate daily. So, one person is not stuck doing dishes for an entire week. The only other responsibility is to keep their room picked up. So why is my house is near constant disarray?

I just don't get it. Hubby's job is to take the garbage out each day. Because he is usually on nights, we collectively decided this would be his chore since he works long hours and rotating shifts. And when he was in the regular rotation, he only did his chores twice in a month which really pissed off the kids who were getting in trouble by HIM for not doing their chores!

I decided that I was doing laundry 7 days a week. My kids' tendency to stockpile their laundry and then cram it in and overload the washer made me crazy! I bought the washer and dryer just a couple years ago and the kids were trashing it. Or they'd throw all of their dirty laundry in a huge pile in the laundry room. Did I mention that for guests to enter our home, they have to walk through the laundry room? Oh it would make me freaking CRAZY! Or, their favorite...mix all the colors and ruin the clothes or use too much soap and waste it...or leave the wet clothes in the washer until they mildewed. I was fighting a losing battle, so the laundry is my chore now.

The only other change we made was that my youngest son has to clean and vacuum the livingroom every day. He's autistic and needs a rather rigid routine. So we figured it would be easier to give him one chore as opposed to a different one every day. I have to say, the kid is getting really good at it. I'm not being asked what he has to do anymore. He gets everything off the floor, vacuums and clears the tables. It's great!

That leaves 3 kids to rotate cooking & cleaning the kitchen, cleaning the bathroom, and taking care of the animals. So they each get to do the chores twice a week but not necessarily two days in a row. My brilliant and more than reasonable plan should work flawlessly. But...it doesn't. Unless I ride their asses which totally defeats the purpose of the plan.

The idea behind having each take turns cooking dinner for the family was supposed to have multiple benefits. One was that no longer would I have to figure out what to cook each night when I'd receive 5 different answers or 5 "I don't care" or 5 "Anything is fine by me". That is SO not helpful! It also would teach my kids a valuable life skill so if something happens to me or they make it to adulthood (if I don't strangle them first) they would be able to cook for themselves and not survive on fast food or Top Ramen. I also wanted to get them in the habit of planning meals ahead so I would grocery shop once a week. Fat chance though because no one is doing that and even though we have a magnetic grocery pad on our refrigerator...do you think anyone would remember to write something on the list if they open the last one or even if they finish the last of something? NOPE!

I can't win!

I'm wondering what you all do in your households to make sure things get done? I want to teach my kids (and hubby) responsibility. But the little shits know I am outnumbered 4 to 1 (5 to 1 when hubby is home). HELP! I need some more ideas!

BEST ONE YET!!!

My friend on facebook had this for her status (I stole it!)

Angee is unable to help you as I am still unable to speak Fucktard!

I think I woulda peed myself if my bladder hadn't already been empty, LOL!

THEY MAKE ME WANNA SCREAM!!!

I am so effing tired of being stuck between my husband and my kids. I want to run away from all of them. My husband behaves like damn Hitler and the kids reciprocate with being little asses right back. Then everyone comes running to me, wanting me to fix it.

Just today my husband decided he needed to wash his cruiser for work since the film crew is showing up to shoot the re-enactment. He decides that all of the kids have to help him. Nevermind that the normal chores are not done. Yet I can almost bet money when he comes in to get ready for work, that he'll be bitching about the house being messy...and yet he left his garbage on the counter from the pizza he ate for breakfast! It's like having a 5th child!

So, the cruiser gets washed and dried. Hubby wants to use Armour All on it. Yet the bottle can't be found. Within minutes he is bitching at the kids to find it, everyone is getting pissy and of course they all migrate into the house where I am trying to get ready to take a couple exams for school.

Needless to say, my bullshit tolerance hit zero percent.

I start hollaring, throwing my sunglasses across the kitchen which subsequently hit a glass, knocking it over along with cooking spray and creating a lot of noise. So much for being in control. I start looking for the stupid bottle of Armour All and find it under the sink with the rest of the cleaners. This only proves to irritate me more.

I took it outside and threw it on the seat by my husband who was tearing MY car apart searching for it. Though I wanted to tell him off, I said nothing and came back inside to unleash my fury here instead of on my family.

UGH. I need something to punch!

As if it couldn't get any worse, my youngest daughter decides to use this particular time to call my mother-in-law and ask to be picked up so she can go do work over there. Are you fucking kidding me? This house is a wreck. And my mother-in-law is the last person I want to see or talk to or whose voice I want to hear.

I am tired of all of this bullshit. I want out of this damn marriage and out of this damn town. To hell with everyone.

My Favorite Facebook Status'

I think I am having a bit of a mixed episode. I am irritable and depressed but hypomanic...I'm going nuts here. I think I need to have the meds adjusted again...I don't know. I never feel like this when I see my nurse..

Anyway, I thought I'd share some of my favorite Facebook statuses from Status Shuffle:

You know, if you keep trying to push my buttons, you might push the one that makes me bitch slap you. Now THAT would be funny...

Bipolar Rollercoaster's status has been brought to you today by the letter's "F" and "U", as well as the number "2"

Hey asshole...How about a tall glass of shut the fuck up?

Bipolar Rollercoaster thinks too many people are walking around out there; not-medicated, unsupervised and affecting her life.

Bipolar Rollercoaster is not bitchy, she just wasn't taught to say "Fuck You" politely.

Bipolar Rollercoaster is sorry you couldn't come last night...but your boyfriend did...Twice

Bipolar Rollercoaster thinks you should put a condom on your head-if you're gunna act like a dick, you should look like one too.

Stop the world I want off!

Bipolar Rollercoaster...may come across as a stressed, crazy, bi-polar maniac. But underneath, stands a strong, intelligent woman who is at a crossroad in her life right now

Bipolar Rollercoaster says if the broom fits... ride it!!

Bipolar Rollercoaster needs a punching bag...Any Volunteers? Apply below...

Mommy needs a Time Out. Send me to my room. Please.

Personally, I like you, but the voices in my head think you're an asshole.

Bipolar Rollercoaster is going to go running through the street naked while throwing Skittles at everyone screaming, "TASTE THE FREAKING RAINBOW!"

If I have to hear one more dramatic outburst...I will come to your house, scream out all of your secrets and then taze you in the throat, call 911 and leave.

Yes, I'm Irish, but I swear if u pinch me this leprechaun will go Jolly Green Giant on your ass.

Sure I will admit it, I still miss my ex sometimes...but my aim is improving everyday!

Bipolar Rollercoaster thinks that the courts should up with a new charge just for my ex-husband...FELONY STUPID works for me!

Bipolar Rollercoaster thinks her ex is number one in the top five stupidest things I've ever done!

Bipolar Rollercoaster's friend said to her yesterday "I bumped into your ex today." I said, "if you were a true friend you would have reversed the car and hit him again!"

Today's mood is sponsored by Midol...the pain reliever women use most to alleviate the urge to choke someone!

Bipolar Rollercoaster just woke up in one of those "don't touch me, talk to me or even look at me" moods

Disney gave me unrealistic expectations about men :-(

Bipolar Rollercoaster is sick of living her own Lifetime Original Movie. she'd rather be in some Disney film with talking animals!

I don't need anger management, I just need all the annoying dickheads to leave me alone!!!

I'm not alone cause I have an active imagination, I'm not crazy cause I take the right pills...

Bipolar Rollercoaster..has been naughty and is sooo in need of a time out..I'm sending myself to my room with no kids, dog, TV, phone, noise or stress!!

Tough people are not born; they are made when no one is there for them to wipe their tears...

Note To the Happy Ending Fairy: I'm going to bed soon, if you wouldn't mind sprinkling some of your magic dust over me while I sleep, it'd be much appreciated...

Bipolar Rollercoaster wants to know if there are any men out there that actually know how to treat a woman? Or have I moved to Pricksville without realising it???

Bipolar Rollercoaster realizes that sometimes the one you think is your knight in shining armour might actually turn out to be a retard in tin foil!

Bipolar Rollercoaster says.. Congratulations! You are officially the biggest dickhead I have ever met..!

KNOWN FACT!!! Skinny jeans do NOT..make you look skinny if you are fat!!!

*Sigh* I feel better now. It's impossible to read most of these and not smile! ;)

A Little Anonymity Please?

So, as I was saying before, I live in a tiny little podunk town. I have another blog that I write in and have for well over a year. I have had to make it private and invite readers because some asshole where I live is digging up dirt to cause trouble.

The thing is, my husband is a cop. We separated for about seven months around Thanksgiving 2008 until about June 2009. There was so much drama as he moved home with the in-laws and they stuck their noses where they didn't belong and things just escalated. I began my blog so I could vent. I don't like his boss. I don't like my inlaws. I don't like that everyone in this stupid town knows who I am but I don't have a clue who they are.

So, I've had to create a new blog and get my anonymity back. Which REALLY sucks because I've had to leave behind some readers whose email addresses I don't have to invite them so they can continue reading. Damn it anyway. If anyone here would like to read it, send me a message with your email address and I will send an invite.

Well, I'm going to get back to making this blog a thing of my own. I'm sure I'll have more interesting things to write about! Stay tuned for the next episode...

Who am I?

Have you ever had someone read your diary or journal? Or had someone spread gossip about you or someone you care about? Ever lived in a small town where everyone knows everyone and you can't say what you truly feel because it affects you or your spouse socially and professionally and the narrowminded assholes who think they own the town want you to stop raising a "ruckus"?

I don't like controlling people. My mother-in-law is one. My husband's boss is one. Some of the business owners in this tiny little town are also control freaks. It's ridiculous. I have another blog which I've had to make private because, even though I don't publish names, this place is so ridiculously tiny that people can put two and two together and figure out who or what is the topic of my posts. Then they spread it around to cause controversy. Apparently they have way too much time on their hands.

I blog to vent. Sometimes funny things happen to me. Sometimes (ok..often) things piss me off and I have to get it out somehow...so I blog. Better to blog than to choke someone until they turn purple, right?

Oh yeah-and I am bipolar. That means you never know which "me" you are going to get...I guess that is what keeps it interesting. 

I know most people have a specific theme for their blog. Not me. I am way too deep to narrow it down to just one thing. I'm sure that violates some cyber geek's rules somewhere but they can deal with it or piss off. I'm not one to conform as you will soon find out.

With that I will close. As you get deeper into my organized chaos, you'll learn to make sure you pee, get something to drink and have a bag of popcorn nearby. And get ready to go on one wild ride.