Thursday, June 24, 2010

UGH! Crap-ass day!

Well, the court hearing is tomorrow, not today but that's not why it's a crap-ass day.

My daughter was raped. I don't know what to do to help her. She is now 14 but it happened when she was 13. My husband is devastated and naturally wants to kill the guy. He just held my daughter and cried. I wish she would have told us sooner. But we've been in contact with authorities and they are doing their job. I guess we have to trust that things will work out the way their supposed to. In the meantime we have STD tests and whatnot to deal with. 

I hate that this prick did this to her. She doesn't even realize that even though she didn't resist that it was rape. She wanted so badly to remain a virgin until marriage. I knew something was wrong because her behavior was so unlike her the past several months. I asked her many times if she needed to talk about anything and she always told me she didn't. I am so angry that my poor baby has been violated like this. I am almost beyond's like a dream and any second I'll wake up and everything will be okay.

My husband feels like a total failure. He feels like he failed her as a step-father and a protector. I feel like shit because she asked to go to the church to play basketball and I wanted to say no only because I was feeling rather bitchy. But I made myself agree and I drove her up there. Had I said no to her, it wouldn't have happened.

I know people say that you can't play the "what if" game. It's hard not to. My thoughts are so jumbled right now. I can't even think.

I was raped when I was about 10 or 11. I told my mother. She didn't do anything. She just told me it was "okay to say no" and even found a stupid pin for me to wear on my shirt that proclaimed that. No police. No doctors. Oh, but she did have me put on birth control "in case it happens again". UGH!

I seriously don't know how to handle this correctly. I know my mother's way wasn't the right way and I have really held bitterness against her ever since. I don't want to overreact but I don't want to under-react either.

*Sigh* I think my daughter hates me. I think she hates me because I told my husband. She just doesn't understand. She'll probably never tell me anything again. 

1 comment:

  1. That is awful. Well done for being so confused about it. I don't think there are any right responses really and just holding on and 'being with' is great!
    I work in mental health. There are a large proportion of women that come to us, get a diagnosis of BiPolar disorder and then disclose childhood rape or familial abuse. There seems to be a correlation between parents who ignore the victim andf their later adjustment problems....Just a thought...