Saturday, June 19, 2010

WOW, Crazy Times

Ugh, where do I begin?

I have been rapid cycling, I think, for about the past month. I think it is in response to stress but I am not certain at this point. I started having depressive moods after my ex sent me hate email which lead to the restraining order. I was starting to come out of it when my husband and I thought we were going to move from our 3 bedroom house into a 5 bedroom house (every kid would have their own room and I would NEVER have to hear "but I cleaned up MY stuff, it's all his/hers). But it fell through and we are not moving and I actually cried. Yep. Cried. How pathetic.

So, last weekend we invited some close friends over for a BBQ. We decided it would be an overnighter...everyone had to bring pajamas because no one would be driving home. We set up a huge tent outside for all of the kids and built them a fire pit so they could make s'mores while we grownups played video games and cards inside while enjoying some drinks and Jello shots.

My son, 14, comes to me the next afternoon in tears and asks if he can talk to me alone. He is just sobbing. Apparently his girlfriend (whose parents stayed the night) came on pretty strongly in the tent and it freaked him out. Clothes never came off, THANK GOD, but even though he resisted, she dared him to basically dry hump her, so, he did. And he felt SO BAD. I stood in the kitchen as he confessed and held him while he cried his eyes out for nearly 15 minutes. Poor kid.

That I handled well. The next day I was on the phone with my father.I was telling him about what went on with my son. As we are talking, his twin sister is listening while she cleaned the kitchen. I notice after awhile that she is crying. When I question her, she gets hysterical and all she can say is that she was sorry she lied.


Well, to make a long story short, my daughter is no longer a virgin. And she lied about it twice. I didn't freak out. I hugged her and allowed her to cry it out on my shoulder. Granted, I wanna kill the little fuck that stole it from her. But what can I do? It was a couple months ago. I guess it had been eating her up inside for awhile.

Well, the past several days I have been hypomanic. I am certain it is stress related..shock related. I don't know. But I did make an appointment with my PNP and my Psychologist for next week. I need to figure out what my triggers are and formulate a plan that will help my husband know what to do when he sees certain signs.'s almost 2 a.m. here and I need to get some Bible time in before going to sleep. So, will have to write again later. I SO need to go to bed.

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